The night of my first chemo treatment I tried to fold some laundry. After folding 5 washcloths I was so exhausted I couldn't continue. Ryan assured me he would fold the laundry and that I should go rest. I sat in my bed and cried. He felt bad and thought he had said something wrong. Of course he hadn't. He did and said just what a wonderful, supportive husband should. My tears were tears of self-pity. Letting go of independence is hard for me. Laying in bed and watching everyone else cheerfully carry on my responsibilities has been one of the most difficult things about this whole cancer thing.
It's my laundry and my dishes and my family's dinner that needs to be made.
They are my students that need teaching.
They are my children who need things done for them.
It was my child who wore one snow boot and one dress shoe to church on Sunday. I should have been the one to notice.
My first chemo treatment was so hard. There were moments when I didn't think I would make it through. I realized more than ever that as much as I want to do all the things that are mine to do, I can't right now. I am not always brave and strong. I can't do it by myself.
I am grateful to you all, for your kind acts, thoughts, and prayers. I'm grateful for the well wishes and encouragement. I couldn't do it without you.
I think we all have a little "I-Do-It-Best" disease and a little "I-Can-Take-Care-Of-Everything" disease in us. I know it's hard to let things go or to let people help you, but you'll make it. I have faith in you. :D
ReplyDeleteIt is very hard to let go and let others help. You can do it though! Besides I think that one snow boot and one dress shoe makes a lot of sense. The best of both worlds for walking through the snow, and going to church.
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ReplyDeleteWith love I am sending you this site address. It's something we can learn from. You can listen to it as well as read it.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.lds.org/ensign/2010/06/accepting-and-giving-service?lang=eng&query=accepting+help
I love you!
Hi Aunt Charlotte! (This is Ivy.)
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to tell you that I'm so glad that you're my aunt. You care so much for others and that's beautiful. From your post, I can tell it must be awful hard to not do things yourself but...you've simply got to do what you can and that's enough.So,I really hope you get better and keep happiness with you.